Tuesday, July 20, 2010


Work in progress. Just trying stuff . . .

Sunday, July 18, 2010

I worked at Cedar Point for a summer in 2008, and this is why I will never ride a roller coaster again.

Really, I have always been hesitant to get into a rampaging car of death, one which I have no control over and have no idea what destination I will be attending, and I think that this accurately describes a roller coaster.

I was a caricature artist in 2008 and one of the stands that I worked at was twenty feet from the Top Thrill Dragster. This is the fastest, tallest coaster in the WORLD!!! (at least it was until some nutbag from Jersey built one ten feet taller, wtf?) Dragster had a unique set up to it. The fact that it shoots off at 125mph, the train has to be weighed every time in order to know how much awesome was needed to propel it forward. I don't really know how it works obviously, but I do know that it goes from 0 - 125 in four seconds. This coaster wouldn't always make it to the top of the hill. This was also a problem for a coaster called The Wildcat.

The Wildcat was one of the few kid friendly coasters at Cedar Point, as in it didn't have any crazy turns or loops. Many families use this coaster to introduce their little kids to the idea of attaching yourself to a careening vehicle of death is a good idea.

The Wildcat is also one of the coasters that has two cars running opposite each other. This summer day there was a dude that was HUGE getting into the car. Along with his even HUGER wife and 2.5 chub of a kid. Needless to say, the fat to metal ratio was 1:1. The car was busting at the seams as it slowly pulls its self to the tippy top of the hill and starts to careen back down thanks to gravity.

As the odd mixture of blubber and coaster succumb to gravity and begin to twist and turn, a second coaster car is set off. This car is filled with people still resembling human. This second car is having fun, as is the first. The problem arises when the first car tries to take a slight incline. The car can't make it, being weighed downed by what can only be described as the Moon, and it starts to roll backward. Flub flapping everywhere.

The second car, that has already begun its own adventure, is unable to stop because, as we already discussed, is unable to write its own fate.

Inevitably, the second car crashes into the fist as it swings back down the hill. There is a crash, boom, screeching of metal, and everybody is mildly injured and able to walk away from the accident.

And that is why I won't ride a roller coaster.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

So I recently found out that blogs can also be used for words. Go figure. So I decided that I would try my hand at laying it all out there and see what comes back to me.

I figure the best way to start is to tell you about me. Maybe everything, maybe not, I'm making this up as I go.

I was born in March. I have blue eyes and red hair. I love the fact that I am left handed. I love that I have freckles. I love that all these things make me look Irish, even though I am Italian. Its a great conversation starter.

Sometimes I feel that I am quite nomadic. Other times, I feel so tied down to things. Money seems to always be on my mind and I hate that fact.

I wish I had bigger hands, just because mine are abnormally small.

Many people compare me to Conan O'Brien just because of my hair. I secretly wish that they would say that I am as funny as he.

I recently bought a bike, and this may be the most exciting thing that I will do this summer.

My friends recently had a birthday party and I was reminded of how much I love and miss all of them. How many people would appreciate a Tri-force cake? Not many, and yet everybody there did. And that makes a night filled with awesomesauce.

When I was little I went to a therapist and hated it. It was then that I decided that I would figure the tough stuff out myself: this turned into me talking to myself consistently and I am fine with this.

What does this all mean? Probably nothing really. How many people are remembered long after their gone? Just a handful compared to how many there were. I figure that the best thing to do is: do what you want to do. Do what makes me happy. Do what makes you happy. If It doesn't hurt me, I don't care. All we can do is live for today, and make it count. Who needs a bike? Who needs the voices in their head? Who needs to make up words like awesomesauce? The only problem is that the answers to these questions are what make us individuals, and what will make it more likely that we will be remembered. And that's what we all want right?